i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
