There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
