Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
