So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
