grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
