I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
A bitchslap is in order.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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