my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
