Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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