I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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