Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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