I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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