dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
