i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
