i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
