how do flat chested girls get laid?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
