I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
