mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Randomize
