My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize