he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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