I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
