I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
