To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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