Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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