i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
