At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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