So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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