You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
