We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
