Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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