Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
