Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
