12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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