Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Someone came in the potted fern
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Congratulations! We have a period
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
