Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
