is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
