I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
