so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
