I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
