We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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