is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
