i think my tv is drunk
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
