my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
