Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
