I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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