i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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