return my video game
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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