that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
