I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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