i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
