theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
