I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
