Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
