Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
