His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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