What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize