11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
They have beer where we have blood.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
