is your mom at the bar?
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
