1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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