it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
We got so high we made milksteak
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize