WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
