wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize