I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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