How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize