..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
