Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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