Joe is yelling at the trees again.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize