Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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