Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
