If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
