onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
