called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
