I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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