...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
