i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
