if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The adults are the big ones right?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
