Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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