Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
