She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
