Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
