No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize