Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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