i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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