you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
