2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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